Just a breath away
by MajandraNova
Summary: The miniature killer left Sara to die in the desert but Grissom finally finds her. But some things happening might just be in his imagination. Character Death. GSR. Featuring the song To where you are by Josh Groban.


**Just a breath away**

**Disclaimer:** In a parallel universe I might own CSI but in this, nope, it's not mine. Also the lyrics to the song "To where you are" are not mine.

**Spoilers**: Living Doll

**Summary:** The miniature killer left Sara in the desert to die but finally Grissom finds her. But some things that happen might just be a dream. Character death. Featuring the song "To where you are" by Josh Groban and parts of the Lords Prayer, the Prayer for Peace, the Hail Mary.

**A/N:** Please, please pardon me all the mistakes. I have no beta reader and English is not my first language.

* * *

When Jim told him that some tourists may have found the car Sara was lying under Grissom almost fell over his feet as he rushed to his car. He didn't even think of informing the rest of the team, he just wanted to get there as fast as possible. 

"Grissom, wait!" He heard Brass shouting as he was already jumping into his car.

"What?" He snapped at his friend. Didn't he know that every second was important?! Sara could die out there. He had to get there and rescue her.

"We have a helicopter to get there. It will be much faster as the car."

Grissom slammed the door of the car shut and gave Jim a why-didn't-you-tell-this-earlier look. Brass wanted to explain that Grissom had run away before he could mention the helicopter, but then decided that it was useless. Silently he guided his friend to the chopper. He could only imagine the nightmare Grissom was living at the moment.

Catherine was already waiting inside the helicopter when Grissom and Brass reached it. Quickly they got inside and the aircraft took off.

It was impossible sitting next to Grissom. He was jumpy, sliding back and forth on his seat. He wouldn't take his eyes off the desert beneath them the entire ride. While Catherine and Brass were checking with the pilot every now and then how far they were from the designated spot Grissom was muttering incomprehensible stuff.

_I love you, Sara_

_Lead us not into temptation,_

_But deliver us from evil._

_Hold on my love, I will find you._

_Lead me from death to life,_

_From falsehood to truth,_

_Lead me from despair to hope,_

_From fear to trust._

_Natalie, I will get to you … my revenge will be evil_

_Holy Mary, Mother of God_

_Pray for us sinners,_

_Now and at the hour of our death._

_Amen._

_Sara, Sara, hold on …_

"Grissom, Grissom." Startled Grissom looked to Jim who had caught his attention.

"In a few minutes we should be there." Grissom noticed his friends' words but within a second his eyes were desperately searching the desert again. And then he saw it. The car in the middle of the desert. He wanted to helicopter to go faster. It seemed like it took them forever to get closer. Another eternity passed while the helicopter was landing.

As soon as it was safe enough, Grissom jumped out and ran over to the car. In the distance he could hear the siren of the paramedics. He also saw a crane coming through the desert. But he didn't care about all this. All he wanted was to get to Sara and know that she was alright.

He threw himself to his knees in front of the car and took Saras hand. He was relieved to find it still warm and soft.

"Sara, honey, it's me. Please be awake."

When the smaller hand in his gave him a squeeze as a response, a shiver of joy went trough his body. All of sudden tears started running down his cheeks and he couldn't control himself anymore. Since Sara had gone missing he had pulled himself together for her sake but now all the pain was making it's way to the surface.

Sobbing he started to talk to the love of his life.

"Honey, I am so glad I found you. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much. Now everything is going to be fine."

And he knew everything was going to be fine. He had his Sara back.

* * *

Grissom woke up with a start. He stretched out his hand to feel Sara in his, their, bed only to find it empty. At first he was surprised and worried but then he remembered. 

He had had this dream since this day. In reality things had gone a little different.

**CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI**

When their helicopter had reached Saras car, the crane was already there. They were setting it up to lift the car.

Grissom ran over to grab Saras hand but when he found it, it was cold. Freezing.

He started to call out for her but didn't get any response. Then, when the crane pulled away the car it revealed Saras torn body. She was ripped open on several parts of her body and there was blood everywhere.

Grissom stopped breathing. Her body looked so dead. It was dead.

With a cry collapsed over Saras body.

"Come back to me, darling. Come back."

He gave a soft kiss in her crusty lips. In his irrational mind he thought that he might aspirate the life back into her body.

He kissed her again and again while he called her name and pleaded her to come back to him.

He didn't know how long he had been there but after some time a gentle hand touched his shoulders.

"Gil, they have to seal the crime scene. You have to step away from her." Grissom heard Catherine's words and knew that it was normal procedure but it sounded all so surreal now that the victim was Sara, his Sara. Reluctantly he gave a last kiss to the cold, but still beautiful woman lying in front of him and then turned and waked away. After a few steps Catherine caught up with him and pulled him into a warm, friendly hug. He cried. Endless tears were running down his face while he let out all his grieve.

**CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI**

It still hurt to think about that day. Two months had passed since Natalie had taken away the love of his life but the pain was still the same. His friends had told him that the pain would get less and less and then go away but he still felt as heart broken as the first day.

In many ways he still couldn't believe that she was gone forever. They had spent so little time together. And that was mostly his fault. Every day he blamed himself for waiting so long to finally letting Sara get to him, really get to him.

When she finally did, it was the happiest day of his life. And the days after that were just amazing. He had never dreamt that loving somebody and being loved in return could be so mind blowing. But then again he also never had given it a try until Sara had come along and messed up with his whole world.

He had been reluctant to pursue a relationship with her because he was so much older. He would die so much earlier than she and he didn't want to leave her alone in this cruel world. And now she was dead and he was alone in this cold, cruel world. Wishing that she was there with him.

And then he remembered the song he had chosen for her funeral. The song SHE had chosen for her funeral.

After seeing her dead body and feeling so terribly lost he needed to feel her presence and therefore went to her apartment. He just wanted to stretch out in her bed, smell her distinctive scent and imagine that she was still there. When he entered the bedroom he was ready to trough himself on the bed and never stand up again. But then he saw that CD in the middle of the bed. It was like she had left it right there for him to find it. Josh Groban. He had never heard of that artist before. Nevertheless he wanted to listen to the music. He sensed listening to Saras music would make him feel closer to her.

As the CD itself wasn't in the jewel case he went over to the cd-player and pushed play.

And there it was. The song Sara had chosen for him to hear. The song that had comforted him since he first had heard it.

_Who can say for certain_

_Maybe you're still here_

_I feel you all around me_

_Your memory's so clear_

The others called her dead. They called her his late girlfriend. But he wasn't so sure about that. Sometimes he could still feel her presence like she had never left him. He would hear a whisper, feel a soft brush on his cheek but most of all his heart would fill with so much love, he could hardly take it.

Although the clear memory of her made him forget his loss at times, most of the times it reminded him of what he had lost. Oh dear, he missed her so much.

_Deep in the stillness_

_I can hear you speak_

_You're still an inspiration_

_Can it be _

_That you are mine_

_Forever love_

She was all around him and sometimes she even talked to him. And he talked back. They'd talk about trivial stuff like work, she'd ask him how their friends were doing and she'd tell him not to be sad but he couldn't help it.

Although the most comforting thing was to still feel her presence he had found a big deal of strength in the knowledge, that she was his. Forever his.

_And you are watching over me from up above_

While she was alive, she was his loving angel and now, in death, she still kept an eye on him. Grissom felt safe, knowing that his angel was watching over him.

_Fly me up to where you are_

_Beyond the distant star_

_I wish upon tonight_

_To see you smile_

_If only for awhile to know you're there_

_A breath away's not far_

_To where you are_

In his loneliest moments he wished that she would just come and take him with her. Take him to the place where she was now. Take him to heaven with her.

Or that he at least could see her smile for real. Feel it, touch it. Burn it into his mind to make sure he'd never forget it again.

She was just a breath away, he could feel it, but that breath felt so insuperable at times.

_Are you gently sleeping_

_Here inside my dream_

_And isn't faith believing_

_All power can't be seen_

Catherine and the others often went to Saras grave to bring her flowers and to commemorate their friend and co-worker. Grissom hardly ever went with them. He didn't need to go to the cemetery to feel connected to his love. She was right there, in his dreams. His faith kept her alive.

And he had faith. He really did. After her death he had questioned God and screamed at Him more than once. He just couldn't believe that the Lord was so cruel as to take away the love of his life. But then he realized that God had been kind enough to let him have Sara, if only for a short time. And it wasn't like he had lost her completely. She still was here with him. He just had to believe in it.

_As my heart holds you_

_Just one beat away_

_I cherish all you gave me everyday_

_'Cause you are mine_

_Forever love_

_Watching me from up above_

Everyday he remembered with joy and sadness the beautiful days he had had with Sara. When they finally had found each other it was like paradise. She gave him so much love. And she still did. As she was watching him from up above.

_And I believe_

_That angels breathe_

_And that love will live on and never leave_

When he was cold he could feel the warm breeze of an angels' breath on his neck. Deep in his heart he knew that it was her. Her love was ever present. He knew she would never leave him.

_I know you're there_

_A breath away's not far_

_To where you are_

He knew she was there. Just a breath away.

Maybe the pain would go away. But his Sara wouldn't. She would always be with him.

Just a breath away.

* * *

**A/N 2: **Please review. Even if you didn't like it. BTW, Sorry for killing Sara. I really hope that they let Sara live but I just have a bad feeling that they will kill her. So I wrote this. 


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